After he was transferred to his room, he chilled for almost an hour. Thermal blanket, drop light and other nursing interventions were done to lessen his chillness. The nurses told us that it usually happens to patients who undergo coronary angiogram. Knowing that papa is “scared” of needles and doctors, he became more nervous that we all had to tell him to relax. And so his feeling of shakiness and coldness subsided…

After how many minutes, papa had the urge to pee but he couldn’t pee it out. I told the nurse about it and asked the result of his creatinine. I was told that he was referred to a nephrologist because of his elevated level of creatinine. When I came back inside the room, papa successfully peed but he chilled minutes after. Then, he suddenly complained that he’s having chest pains and difficulty in breathing. I called my sister who was outside the room with my mom and brother to call a nurse because I couldn’t leave papa alone. All of a sudden, papa was just shaking and he became cyanotic. The nurses called the attention of the doctors and cardiologists came into our room. The nurses couldn’t take papa’s blood pressure and pulse. I started crying because it was just painful to see your dad having to undergo such situation.

What made our (me, mama and my 2 siblings) feelings worse was when I saw the nurse entered the room with a defibrillator. I’ve assisted in “code blue” situations before so I was so worried while watching the nurses and doctors do their work. I asked one of the nurses what my father’s blood pressure was and the only thing she told me was “60″. I palpitated and shivered when I heard the nurse’s response. All I did was pray. I kept telling papa not to sleep and to keep his eyes open. “Papa, wag kayo matutulog ha. Papa, gumising lang kayo…” I said as I rubbed my palms to his arms to cause heat. He told me that his vision was already getting blurry. I saw that he was controlling his tears from falling. I’ve never seen my dad cry. I’ve always known my dad as someone who doesn’t cry. I only learned from TJ that papa cried so hard during my second operation. We, my siblings, see him as a very strong person. And I know that he doesn’t want us to see him that way. And at that moment, I felt that he was already scared. I told him to pray and to fight. I secretly talked to tatay, papa’s father who passed away last year, not to fetch papa. “Tatay, kelangan pa po namin si papa. Huwag niyo muna siyang kunin… Huwag niyo siyang susunduin.”

I know how much God loves my family because he always listens to my prayers. Papa’s vital signs became normal after the doctors have given their orders and the nurses have carried them out. He was monitored continuously as his vital signs became stable. Papa was attached to a cardiac monitor just to see how his heart goes. When I worked in the ICU, I never thought how significant it is for a patient or a relative. I mean, I know its importance in terms of monitoring the patient but when it’s your dad who’s attached to that device, it’s totally different. I couldn’t get my eyes off it! I always wanted to make sure that papa doesn’t go into cardiac arrest. I always check if it’s normal or not. Sometimes, when his heart rate increases, I stand up from my seat and prepare myself to report it to the nurse on duty. I was just paranoid! We are talking about my dad, okay?

You know, it’s really hard to deal with a situation like this especially when you’re a nurse. You always want the best for your dad but you just can’t intrude to the nurses because you’re not the one who’s on duty. You get what I mean? I don’t want to act like I am the know-it-all bitch here. I trust these nurses because I know they are well-trained but I just can’t help myself to care too much for my father.

Anyway, papa is already doing fine. He’s already asleep beside me and I really wish that tomorrow, everything will be better. Thanks to those people who prayed for him.

When I knocked at room 513, an old man was asleep on the couch while the patient was already awake. When I talked to their helper, the old man stood up and asked me what I was looking for. It seemed like he was the husband of the patient. When I prepared the patient’s medications at the bedside, the old man assisted the patient and encouraged her to take the medicine.

The next time I went inside that room, the old man was beside his wife. He was holding her hands while comforting her because she was in pain. He also fed her with a porridge as he was trying to explain to her that she needs to take the medicine in order for her to get well.

This morning, during our endorsement, the charge nurse at night duty told us that the old man was really sweet to his wife. She related that they even touched the heart of the doctor, a well-known cardiologist in the hospital, upon seeing the old man taking care of his wife. What made the story more touching and sweet is that the old man is limping off from one place to another just to attend to his wife’s needs. I rarely see that in old couples.

Whenever I see them and whenever I go inside that room, I always remember the old Noah and Allie (from the novel and movie, The Notebook) and their deep and true love for each other.

I somehow wanted to go to that room always if only the patient doesn’t have pneumonia. I just wanted to talk to them, ask them how long have they been together, what their love story is like, yadayadayada. Whenever I leave that room, I always have this smile on my face. Makes me kilig! <3 Hehe!

What I have witnessed made me daydream that someday TJ and I will also be like them (I hope so!). It made me believe that what I have watched from The Notebook truly happens in real life.

I wish and pray for good health and more happiness and sweetness for both of them. I will miss truly miss this sweet old couple who also touched my life¹.

1. Patient transferred to a nearer hospital from their house

So anyway, we went to the mall, strolled and eat. Before we went home, he treated me at Mang Inasal’s. It was my first time to eat there and I told him that I’ve been wanting to try it there but I don’t have someone to eat with. The grilled chicken is really delicious. I love it. Funny thing was I thought the chicken oil was a condiment so I poured it on the soy sauce with calamansi! Because the fast food chain offers unlimited rice, I had 2 cups while love had 4 and a half cups. Hahaha!

When we went home, he showed me a twenty peso bill and asked me to find something cute on that money. And look what I found!

His name and our anniversary date! TJ 1221

What made me more kilig is that the fact that he kept the money in the wallet and never dared to spend it. My boyfriend is not that cheesy so it was really sweet of him to keep that bill. Because I am really sentimental, I arbored the money from him and kept it in our love box.

Before he left, we took pictures of us. For the past few months, love doesn’t want to take pictures probably because he looks so stressed. Finally yesterday, our album was updated. :)

Look at our eyebags!

Thank you love for the time. Can’t wait to be with you again. :) <3

Its website says: “Shulammite Carrot Soap harnesses the benefits of one of the most rejuvenating natural oils that can be used in skin care.  This simple, easy-to-use beauty bar effectively addresses seven (7) skin problems: pimples, blackheads, whiteheads, pimple scars, oily skin, excessive sweat, rashes and irritations, such as prickly heat.  It is gentle and safe to use for kids and adults alike.”

In fairness to this product, it dried my pimples and allergies easily. I am still waiting for my scars to lighten and vanish soon.

On the other hand, I also dyed my hair last Friday. At first, I was hesitant to buy this color because I feel like it’s too light.  I don’t want my hair to look too blonde-ish.

The result is not like the picture above because my hair is natural black. The only problem is that I don’t know how to dye my own hair so I wasn’t able to distribute the color evenly. The color can only be seen on the top of my head. LOL!!

So anyway, this is the result of the two products I tried last week.

So I started doing my morning rounds after preparing the medications for 8 am. I finished at around 9:10 am because in the middle of my rounds, patients and their relatives ask here and there. I had to do health teaching from time to time, fix the IV lines, take the vital signs and the list goes on.

At 10 am, everything started to become busy. Attending physicians came one by one and made orders. I have to update my MEDEX (it’s like kardex but only medications are written there) from time to time. I also had due IV meds at 10 am  and I got worried because the IV drugs I’ve requested from the pharmacy have not delivered yet. My medications were already late. Good thing, I was able to borrow from my co-volunteer so I gave the due IV meds an hour after.

I can’t remember what happened next but at 12:00, I was still busy doing my nursing care to each of my patients. Patients 518 and 521′s IV lines need to be reinserted. Damn, IV out! Then, the nurse and orderly from the catheterization laboratory already arrived to pick up patient 514 for his coronary angiography. What was endorsed to me was that the condom catheter for that patient will only be inserted before his procedure. I just followed the endorsement. Next thing I knew, the nurse from the cath lab was questioning why the patient wasn’t prepared. I had to tag a male nurse along to the room to do the condom catheterization.  At that moment, I almost panicked. There were orders here and there from staff nurses and I was confused who to follow first. I wanted to cry right then and there!

And what made my feeling worse was that the attending physician of patient 518 came to the nursing station in an angry mood. She asked us who handles 518 and who removed the patient’s IV line. I thought I did a wrong thing but thank God it was the charge nurse who made a mistake. God, my hands were sort of shaking! I thought I was going to write an incident report!

That’s the reason why I do not like working in a ward, especially in a Philippine setting. Too many patients and too many work load = nurse’s burn out. I couldn’t imagine how a ward nurse who works in a public hospital could handle 20 patients at the same time. I wonder if his/her nursing care is that effective…

I feel so tired and exhausted after my morning shift and I thought about not coming back. Loljk. I know that I still have a long way to go. In time, I’ll get used to it. I just hope that I could give the most effective nursing care in handling more than 5 patients. I pity the nurses here in our country. The hospitals earn a lot but the nurses are underpaid. A salary of less than P10,000 a month is not justifiable, especially for ward nurses. I wonder if this problem will ever be solved…

On a lighter note, I feel proud of myself that I somehow handled the 8 patients well. Jeez… I am getting a lot of challenge from this line of work. Bring it on!

As I was eating, I saw this child with edematous face covered with a mask. “Acute glomerulonephritis,” I thought. I observed the child and how her parents attended to her needs. When her mom removed the mask she was wearing, I was surprised to see that she has a nasogastric tube. Now that’s the reason why she’s wearing a mask.

It was time for her to eat… Oops. Let me change that. It was time to feed her. I watched how her dad prepared her for her feeding. I checked if he was doing the right thing. On the other hand, her mother bought her sister a value meal from KFC. The kid must have felt envious of her sister.

I felt sad for the kid with the tube that she wouldn’t be able to eat like how normal kids do. I don’t know how long that NGT will last but that just sucks. No kiddie meals, no delicious healthy/unhealthy afternoon snacks. You know what I mean? You know, sometimes I think that I never enjoyed my childhood (because of food limitations due to skin asthma)… but seeing that kid… I realized that I was actually lucky that even though I was (or still am) sickly, I did enjoy munching and playing food with my mouth.

Today, I was able to handle patients. Thank God. I really do not like being shadowed by a senior staff nurse. I prefer working alone; I prefer using and applying my own style and strategy in taking care of my patients. When a nurse assists me and tells me to follow his/her own style, I commit more mistakes than the usual. At least, my senior nurse today let me do the nursing care in my own way.

There was an instance that the nursing aid was not around and a patient needs her diaper to get changed immediately. Because I am just a mere volunteer, the charge nurse asked me to change the diaper. I have no choice, I have to help Nanay, the nursing aid, in her tasks even if it isn’t my job. The smell of the patient’s poo-poo was awful. I wore double masks and a handkerchief in between to avoid smelling it but to no avail. After changing the diaper, my patient smiled at me and thanked me for cleaning her. One of the things that makes a nurse feel fulfilled in every task he/she does is when the patient thanks him/her. Changing the diaper is just a piece of cake compared to other nursing procedures/interventions, but this is the most avoided for the obvious reason. I still feel happy that with this simple task, the patient appreciated me. So, I smiled back and said, you’re welcome.

Happiness and fulfillment – these are the two words I am in search for in this job and in this new area where I was assigned. I still have a long way to go to find them. I know they are just  hiding somewhere. I just have to be patient in looking for them.

Hmmm… I don’t think I should look for that happiness. It will come out eventually… one of these days. I can’t wait!

As expected, the Nokia Store was jam packed. I had a hard time getting a number because I wasn’t able to call for a reservation; they only gave numbers to those who have reserved a unit. I got furious with the saleslady that I told her, “How can I call for a reservation when you are not even answering your phone?” I called their store for three consecutive days since I learned about the promo but to no avail. Fortunately, one of the supervisors of the stores gave me a number. I asked him how many hot pink units were left. He told me that there were only 15 remaining units. My number was 63 and during that time, #29 was still being attended. Ohnoes, I told myself. I should do something immediately. I told my sister to wait and I hurriedly went to TriNoma to check if they have lesser buyers there. I wasted my effort and time. No more C3 units were available for reservation. Everything was reserved in that store. So, I went back to SM North and patiently waited for my number. At last, #63 was called and thank God, I was able to get my desired color of mobile phone. Guess what? It was the last unit in hot pink.

After paying, we went upstairs to buy a micro SD card because the unit does not include a memory card. And you know what we discovered? Some stores were offering the said promo!!! I thought only Nokia Store offered the one time big time promo. It was an epic fail. I can’t believe that I had to go from one mall to another just to avail Nokia C3 and all this time, there were stores at the 5th floor who had lesser buyers! My sister kept on teasing and laughing at me the whole time. How can I be so stupid?

Nevertheless, I still went home with a happy face.

On that same day, the HR of the hospital where I was recently trained called at my house to say that I passed for the volunteer position. As a volunteer, I will start working like a staff nurse to prepare myself when I get hired. In this position, I will just wait for a vacant slot to be absorbed.

This morning, I went early to Hospital X¹ to report. I told the training supervisor if I could be assigned to any MS (Medical Surgical) related ward/area. She assigned me to an MS ward I’ve never been to during my training days.

I actually wanted to be assigned to a special area. The thing is, there are many applicants who want to get hired in a special area. If I want to be absorbed there, I have to line up and to wait for God knows how long. Unlike in a ward, it would be easier for me to get hired. I am still undecided. I like the area where I am currently assigned because I think that the staff nurses are nice and accommodating. It’s just that I don’t like working in a ward. I really prefer in a special area. I want to be a neuro-nurse or a coronary care unit nurse someday. I want to specialize in an area that I think I would love and where I will enjoy working. My parents doesn’t want me to transfer though because they want me to get hired easily especially now that I am 25. Sigh, decisions…

1. I don’t want to disclose the name of the hospital

Because Monday was a SONA day and we had no class, she brought the Chinese dish today.

While waiting for Wendy, Joey (my other ICU group mate) and I waited at McDonald’s. Because I only had few hours of sleep (thanks to my siblings for the disturbance!!), I decided to buy coffee from the nearest coffee shop. What made me happy that morning is that they spelled my name right. I always get silly and weird names from coffee shops and fast food chains. No matter how I slowly pronounce it, none of them satisfied me except for today.

The barista asked for my name’s spelling. That. is. why. Hihi. If she didn’t ask for the spelling, she’d probably write Zaida or Shyra.

After 30 minutes, Wendy arrived with a big plastic bag that contains two styros. Without hesitating, Joey and I tasted Wendy’s specialty right away.

The verdict? Oh so delicious! The thing is if you’re not into spicy food, you will not like it. It’s really, really spicy. Or… even waaaayyy beyond spicy. Nevertheless, my rating is 10/10! :)

Funny thing was she told me that she wasn’t satisfied with the result. I asked her why. She said that she doesn’t smell the coke that much. She asked me if the red coke and black coke are the same. Apparently, she used Coke Zero instead of the regular coke. Now that’s the reason why she can’t smell the coke’s aroma. Haha!

Yesterday, I was supposed to go to the hospital for my practicum but I wasn’t feeling well. I checked my temperature; it was 38.8. I tried to observe myself for an hour but my temperature did not go down. I decided to stay at home and rest. I was febrile the whole day. I also had chills, joint pain and back pain. I felt irritable. What’s good about it was that I got a lot of sleep. In the afternoon, my dad decided to take me to doctor for a check-up. He was thinking that I might have a dengue.

At the clinic, the doctor asked for the symptoms I felt. He ordered CBC with platelet to rule out dengue. Dengue has the same signs and symptoms with flu except that it targets the platelets of a human being. During the history taking, he asked me when my next menstrual day is. I told him that I am getting my period within this week. He explained to me that studies show that women who have menstruation are more susceptible to dengue. According to this study, the scent of women having their period attract mosquitoes. I didn’t know there’s a study about this.

My laboratory result was normal except for my WBC which is elevated. It might be due to the bacterial infection caused by my sore throat. Bad news is dengue is not yet ruled out. It’s too early to tell that this is not dengue so if I still have fever after 2-3 days of taking antibiotics, I should go back to the clinic and  have another CBC with platelet test.

I hope this is not dengue because I’ve had dengue patients before (most of them are kids) and I saw how painful and traumatic it was to have such kind of disease. Another thing, I have so many stuff to do for my MA class. I also have an online job to attend to everyday and I can not lose that job just because of those effin mosquitoes.

Let’s just pray this is only tonsillitis and not dengue.